Hey readers!! I haven't been active in so long but here I am~ So just like what my header says, I have finally graduated!!! The past 3 years wasn't easy, but I'm really glad that I managed to make it through. Special thanks to Kerman for literally helping me for everything since the start of year 1 and up till year 2 cuz we got into different electives, but really if not for him, I wouldn't have made it through my first 2 years. My year 3 was a hell of a ride but I actually made it through. So I started my year 3 with an internship, then I broke up halfway through my intern, and got involved with a few others. My life was a mess back then and I'm so so SO glad that it's over. Really can't imagine myself going through all these again. That almost ruined my hard work from intern but luckily, I smoked through my 2nd semester. Of course, I wouldn't have done it alone, but ultimately, I still ended my last ever semester with just myself and some constants. Honestly, am really thankful for the friends that I've met in these 3 years, but I guess sometimes things that aren't meant to be will end eventually. I had good times with them no doubt, but we still came to an end. Unlike how I was, I never planned to hold anyone back, because I was judged at my worst and people came back when I was better. I guess I shouldn't have been so honest about my life, about whatever I was doing to people I use to call my close friend. Maybe one day when I finally have the courage to do so, I'd share my feelings to those that mattered so much to me. Whatever they think now doesn't matter to me anymore. I just want to get this heavy stone out of my heart. Ok I don't know why my post will always turn so moody, but heyyyyyy It's a graduation post! It should be happy!! GRADUATE LOOOO!! Here are the pictures that I have with whoever that I've taken a picture with. Sorry to those that I didn't take with!!

Haven't updated this space of mine in awhile. Been having so much on my mind and so many things on-going in my life. Negative things and thoughts just kept coming and they're getting worse and worse. I've come to a point where I really just can't look at things on the bright side anymore. Everytime something bad happens, I can only think about how bad it can go, instead of the possibility that good things will happen too.. Idk what's wrong with me nor what exactly I'm thinking, but I know that I haven't been thinking straight and this sucks.

It all started with my family, then friends, then relationship. I can't take this man. This is so much to handle. I just want to be happy, carefree, woe-free. Why aren't things going the way it should?

I just want to be important, or at least feel important to someone. Knowing that I'm not anyone's priority suck. When will these thoughts end? When can I be happy again? I haven't been this negative before I seriously don't understand how people deal with this. Well, I can't. Tried being positive and staying strong for the people around me but I guess I failed... Sigh I'm sorry kwong I really tried being happy :---)

i don't know what to type.
i feel like this
i don't know what this feeling is
i think it's time some things come to an end
i really don't know what to do
i feel.... empty
i need more company

My greatest pillar of support has died off. Not sure if it's still there, can't feel it. I only know I'm unhappy, knowing that I'm nothing. I have no control over anything, I have no rights over all choices. Is this normal? Am I overthinking? Should I Leave this horrible place? I got a card. It writes "you have the power to heal your relationships and life" so do I have the power to heal everything? I don't know. I have no confidence at all. I'm afraid. I'm so afraid. This personal place of mine is all I have to express my thoughts. I don't want to burden others with my ugly thoughts. I don't have the rights to make them unhappy as well. I really don't know what's with me. I Need to stop restricting my pillar of support. He need his personal space to do whatever he wants. I Guess I'll just have to adapt to this. Ranting doesn't work. Talking things out doesn't work. All I have is just myself.  I need to know I can only stay in my own circle and not let anyone cross it.

It's just 3 months in poly. I'm very disappointed to know that my 100% trust is there no more. I'm scared. It's just 3 months. I'm letting down my guard no more. The wall is back up. No I'm not gonna give trust that easily anymore

I'm neither smart, tall, slim, cool, hot, charming, pretty or attractive.

No idea why this sudden blogpost, but just felt that I needed to get this out of my head. Poly journey is a tiring one indeed. 

Ever feel that the whole world is against you? No matter what you do, no matter what you say, and no matter what you are, they'll always pick the negative part of you to criticize. They never ever look at your plus points because they're always busy looking at your negative side. Well, that's life i guess. The kind of life that i'll never survive without being sad or being ignorant about. Maybe i'm just overthinking all these while, but still, getting judged at for everything i do is a routine i go through everyday. I'm unlike my friends. They're lovely, they have people to care for them through ups and downs, while i have no one. No one but myself. I have to fight all these by myself. Maybe there're actually people out there who claims to care about me, but i think the way they're caring is wrong, because i don't feel any love at all. I can assure 99.9% of the people don't know this, because i've always smiled things off, showing how happy i am every time, and always being the happy pill of my friends. But yes i've always felt insecure, i'm always over thinking, i'm always trying to gain attention from my loved ones, but i haven't felt any love back from them.. Yes i'm very weak. I never wanted to show this side of me, because it'll just make me appear like a little sheep craving for attention from everyone. I always try my best to appear the most strong in front of people and well i guess it worked. Ok that's all for now. I don't want to turn my blog into a emo nemo place. Cheers to whoever is reading this.

xx

Hey guys! So i've finally decided to blog since my Os are like kind of over (Only left with Physics and Chemistry MCQ) and i think it's time i update a little about my life. So as all of you already know, i have a clique which consists of my 3 precious ladies, and i also have a precious branded bestfriend (HAHAHA do you get me). Though we give our clique a name (公主们/GZM), we've never once wanted people to call us princesses. But if you people insist then why not hahaha! Anyway i don't understand why people will hate gzm, i mean we're so cool and shizz so why hate on us hahaha, but then again, we DON'T CARE because it DOESN'T MATTER to us at all. So get a life haters c:

So actually we got together at the beginning of this year, just when all of us quarreled with our individual friends then, and miraculously, we became a clique! I guess i would call this fate hehe. They're the best thing that occurred to me this year i can't deny :3 And also because of them appearing in my life, i've enjoyed the rest of my days in school very much. They bring so much Joy and laughter in my life, allowing me to be all weird and crazy around them. And they're also the ones who made me spend so much $$$$ throughout the year :'( But i can't deny those were money well spent (Itz food and leisure hehe) xD And also, it's difficult to find friends who is willing to still love you as much as forever even after seeing all the good and bad sides of you. Plus they're the craziest selfie queens you can ever find in the whole wide world omg. Therefore we have tons of pictures together. Some outsiders say we overdress and stuffs but heyyyy isn't it better to be overdressed than be underdressed (: Plus i don't think we're always overdressed. It all just depend on the way you see it, really. What can i say about my princesses? I think we're not just friends, but instead, we're like family. Having them is just enough. Who needs a boyfriend? Hahaha!

Anyway to my precious Charlotte, Diana & Camilla, if you're reading this, i just want to say I LOVE YOU hehe! Thanks for staying by my side whenever i'm happy so i can share my happy moments with ya'll , when i'm sad so i can have three shoulders to borrow, when i'm annoyed, so i can rant everything and feel better. I really really REALLY appreciate all of you and your presence means a lot to me. I hope this friendship kinship will be everlasting, watching each other grow up to mature and fine ladies. Can't wait to strike off the GZM goals every year hehe♥ So i hope you girls will really stay with me till old, and also to always love each other as much as we do now. Also, remember no matter what, i'll always be here with each one of you (: LOVE YOUUUU